A 'Mistress in the Bus'

Today, I had the most unfortunate experience of riding in a bus with a “mistress”.

I was sitting comfortably when a lady and her friend boarded the same bus. I was ogling at the lady’s bag because it was so nice. I looked at her carefully curled hair and thought she looked pretty. The lady and the friend chose to sit opposite the chair where I was seated. We were sitting face to face so I was able to see her perfectly well.

She then went on with her jolly blabber. I am not the type who eavesdrop but their topic caught my attention. She was telling her friend about her constant communication with a supposedly “ex” who is now MARRIED. She was so proud to share that this guy is still calling her regularly. She claims that he tells him he misses her and that he still thinks about her. She arrogantly told her friend that they still have this “connection”. According to her, she already challenged the guy by asking him what he wants to do with their situation. Apparently, the real question that she wanted to convey was: are you ready to leave your wife for me?

I sooooo wanted to grab her bag and rescue the poor thing from her clutches. I looked at her again and decided she wasn’t pretty after all. I reminded myself to get my vision checked.  I wanted to kick the friend just to see if she’s really listening. If she was, then she must have not understood what the lady was saying. Surely, you’re not a friend if you can’t say “Hey, stop! You know, that’s not right”.

I fought the urge to do this and simply stay glued in my chair. I was just… speechless. Well, I really cannot talk to them though. I realized I wasn’t part of their conversation. I know I am no saint. I am not perfect and have my flaws here and there. But I wanted badly to tell the lady EVERYTHING about what she said is just WRONG, so WRONG!

No one deserves to be hurt by irresponsible choices. She can opt to get herself out of that mess if she wills to do so. At the end of the day, you get to choose who you become. I feel sad for her and pray that she may find the strength and courage to do what’s right. I hope that the next time I see her; I will no longer think of her as just the “mistress in the bus”. Maybe by then I can ask her where she bought her bag.

Cuatro sa Disyerto

This month, I am celebrating my 4th year of working in the Gulf. A very happy ‘cuatro sa disyerto’ to me!

Time really does fly. Who would have known I will get the chance to live in this part of the world? It was painful to leave my parents back home and I still miss them terribly. I also experience stabs of homesickness every now and then. I thought that by this time, I would already be immune to it. On the contrary, it actually got worse. I remember crying my eyes out last year while waiting to board the plane bound to Dubai. Nonetheless, I have always regarded working here as a blessing. I am perpetually thankful to God whose hand has led me in this place. If there’s one thing that I have learned here, that would be to have a grateful heart for even the littlest of graces received. Actually learning just ‘one’ thing will do so much injustice considering the length of time I have stayed here. So here’s a random list of what the desert has taught me (just some – there are still loads to learn!)

1. I am a ‘Kabayan’ and I’m proud of it!

Filipinos here call each other ‘Kabayan’. I admit that it took me a while to be comfortable in using it. It sounded too… patriotic hehe. Even other expats mimic our use of the term and call us ‘Kabayan’ too!

I have high esteem for all OFWs. I know what it feels like to work our a** off while being a million miles away from our family– which brings me to point #2

2. Family. They’re the reason.

The very basic motive why we chose to leave our family is to give them a better life. Okay, I need to be more specific for the married peeps: Family you left behind – those who are legally your spouse and not the one you “accidentally” got involved with as soon as you stepped out of the plane (rant mode).

3. Freedom. It’s intoxicating.

You can basically do anything and everything here – except of course if it’s prohibited by law. The point is that there’s nobody to tell you what you can’t or what you shouldn’t. You are entirely responsible for yourself. You are accountable for all your actions. This kind of freedom is intoxicating. You can drown and get drunk with it all you want. Sadly, a lot of people do and tend to forget #2 above.

4. I can cook!

I’ve had a very sheltered life back home. I would wake up and find supper (I work nightshift) waiting for me. I can do different household chores but mama would lovingly opt to do it instead. So all I generally did was to eat, work, go home, sleep & repeat the same routine over and over again. When I got here, I learned to rely on myself and found out I can actually cook! Believe me, my dishes are edible! Haha! Now, I love cooking for my husband. He’s not a picky eater anyway so he basically eats anything and everything I prepare for him.

5. Save, save, save but don’t forget to have fun, fun, fun once in a while.

My mama would always remind me to save even just a small percentage of my salary. I’m happy to take her piece of advice. I realize that I won’t be forever young so I need to spend wisely and save ‘for the rainy days’.

While doing this, one should not neglect the importance of rewarding one’s self. My idea of reward is very cheap though. I consider buying a new shirt or having a lovely dinner with habibi a golden prize for working so hard.

The Story Behind the Civil Wedding

We had our civil wedding on April 14, 2011. We never really planned on having it but for the sake of completing the required documents, we had to do so.  I remember people asking why the need for it since we were only a few months away from our church wedding. Their first immediate thought was that I was pregnant. Oh well, who are we to blame these people for having such malicious minds? I sadly realized that in this day and age, weddings are most likely synonymous with pregnancy (sigh!).

The real reason though, was as simple as wanting to reduce the growing to-do-list for our wedding. As soon as we had the list of required documents, we sorted those that we can process whilst on vacation. One thing that caught our eye was the ‘marriage license’. We did our share of research and found out that we can secure this from our own local municipalities. We thought that this would be an easy one until our unpleasant experience from my local municipality (Valenzuela) made us realize we were horribly wrong.

Firstly, we were informed that the marriage license is valid only for 120 days upon issuance. Yep, it has an expiration date so to speak. We obviously got overly excited because on that day, we were still a year away from our wedding. So getting it early would be of no use at all. We decided then to just get it as soon as we arrive in Manila the following year. But no, there’s more. They told us that the license will be released after 11 WORKING days. That’s about after 2 weeks! Given that I was graciously allowed a 15-day vacation only, that meant we had to run straight to the municipality after our arrival from the airport. I pictured habibi and me running breathlessly with luggages and all. I felt like screaming. There SHOULD be some way to get this darn thing! I looked at habibi hopelessly when a brilliant idea hit me. He could schedule an earlier arrival to have sufficient time and get us the license. We felt we finally found a way out when we were informed that BOTH of us are required to get it. There’s a seminar that BOTH bride and groom MUST attend before the license can be obtained. It’s the family planning seminar and it is a prerequisite. So poof, there goes my brilliant idea. Oh, the joys of an overseas couple!

But who said we get so easily discouraged? I don’t think so. We didn’t want to give up so we thought of an alternative. Perhaps, one municipality’s rule can vary from the other. We asked a favor from my MIL to inquire in habibi’s hometown (Laguna). Unfortunately, the same rule applies. We even considered asking if we can pay a ‘special processing fee’ (read: BRIBE) to get it ASAP. However, if that trick didn’t work, we’ll be definitely in for a bigger trouble. I certainly didn’t want to become best friends with Mr. Stress so we discarded the idea.

Our last resort is to get it from here. Anyway, there is the Philippine Consulate after all. Surely, there must be some way to get it, eh?  True enough, there is (finally!) but the thing is that the license is given after the civil wedding. Now, you bet I was utterly confused. How come we had to get married first to get a license? Shouldn’t the latter come first as a general rule? I really had no clue why and I didn’t bother asking anymore. As long as we can get it, who am I to protest?

Legally Husband & Wife

So the decision was final. We also confirmed from Mt. Carmel that a civil marriage contract is enough to satisfy the requirement (hooray!). The next thing to do is to gather the documents required for the civil wedding (uh huh, requirements AGAIN). Whoever said patience is a virtue must have been somebody getting married too!

The wedding went by in a blur. Waiting for the ceremony to start was in fact longer. There were 5 pairs per batch and we were among the first batch which turned out to be an advantage. When we descended the stairs after the ceremony, there were numerous couples lined up, waiting for their turn! Good thing we arrived early. 

It was on that same day when we got the documents: Marriage Contract, Marriage License and Report of Marriage. We were asked to submit a photocopy after a week which we did. They took care of sending the Report of Marriage in Philippines. This ensured that our civil status got updated. So when we took a CENOMAR (Certificate of No Marriage) again in July, it already reflected that we are married and our names appearing as spouse in each other’s document.

I was legally off the singles list and therefore a missus by then  (◡‿◡✿)